Spamlingingings
by Kengeta1
Summary: Just a couple of spammish scenes... (can I finally upload this..???)


Quick notes: OOC means out of character. AN means authors note.  
  
"...ya know, Akane, just one of these days, I'd really love to..." Kengeta reached up to grab his elbow. (... .... reach up to grab your elbow... that's supposed to signify deep thought?? Oooops...)   
  
"Yes dear?" Akane said in a fashion that was very OOC.  
  
"I'd really love to... write an ungodly stupid fic." Kengeta blurted out, nodding sagely.  
  
"That's nice, dear. Seconds?" Akane poured Kengeta another cup of tea.  
  
"Oh, of course. Mmmm-mmm, nothing's better than your cooking, Akane. Except for http://daisukerev.cjb.net, of course. And http://www.geocities.com/ascensionfics/"  
  
"That's nice too, dear." Akane replied.  
  
"Ya know, Akane, it's a big shame you're not mine. Then instead of this scene in which I declare that you're NOT MINE, DON'T SUE ME NOT MINE!!, I could just take you out back and write a real quick lemon here..."  
  
"Dear, nobody wants to sue you, you're broke, and you'd make horrible labor. And your writing stinks. Right now your own sense of irony is screaming at you to stop."  
  
Kengeta nodded. "I know, honey. By the way, didn't you mind that I just pretended that Ranma doesn't exist in this scene and through some strange phenomon we're in love?"  
  
Akane shrugged. "Well, you're the author... you're not a very good one, because right now I'm acting more like Kasumi than anything. But I guess you just don't want to write me angry, so it's okay." Big smiles now people. "More flames or comments, kengeta_daisuke@hotmail.com?"  
  
"Yes, please." Kengeta nodded sagely.  
  
AN: This is my joke of a disclaimer. I know it's stupid. It's 4 AM, and I'm SERIOUSLY bored here :P To be serious, this is just a stupid fic making fun of itself, but who knows, maybe you'll have some fun along the way. "^_^"  
  
***  
  
Take One!  
  
"Okay, Ranma... if you don't shutup with your insults right now I'll... oh, dummy dummy dummy! I love you!" Akane blurted out, mallet slowly fading out of existance.  
  
"I... ... what the hell??" Ranma stared angrily at Akane.  
  
"I...what?" Akane innocently asked.  
  
"Baka! Where's the emotion? The heavy scenery? What about the dramatic emphasis on useless facts to enhance the romantic mood, such as how the sun is gently setting, and how the waves are gently crashing, and how beautiful the sky looks, while never saying something as obvious as 'Hoooochaaaaa!!! Cmere and give me some love, baby!'... well, you didn't say that, but you get my point." Ranma shook his head. "Akane, authors like to write huge, long, useless, drawn out romance scenes in these things. You go ahead and spoil it like that, and he's likely just to kill you off. And it won't be a nice, well done death scene, either. You're gonna die in stupid, unimaginitive and obvious ways."  
  
Akane's eyes widened. "Really...?"  
  
Ranma nodded. "Yep. And this guy's pretty unstable, too-"  
  
Further comment would have been available, but Ranma's smartass attitude caused his old war wounds which would have been explained in a previous scene had I been bothered to write it and aren't commas nice things where was I? Oooh, right. His old war wounds acted up, causing him to just up and die! My god.  
  
***  
  
Take two!  
  
"Ranma if you don't shut your mouth right now I'll...!" Akane shook her fist for emphasis.  
  
Ranma shook his head. "You've said that to me a thousand times, but not ONCE have you ever said what you're gonna do."  
  
"Ummm..." Akane sweatdropped. "The author's lazy, so.."  
  
"Ahhh." Ranma nodded sagely.  
  
***  
  
Take three...  
  
"Akane... have I ever told you how pale the shifting moonlight lands in the garden of our love when the sun is low and really not visible and *insert more romantic sayings here*" Ranma gently whispered to Akane as the readers will notice that before this paragraph there should have been a lot of useless details, such as the lighting, the mood, maybe the scenery, or why the hell he's saying such nonsense to Akane ANYWAY...  
  
***  
  
Take... four...  
  
Ranma sighed. Placing his hand on Shampoo's shoulder, he shook his head. "Shampoo... this is the last time I'm gonna explain it, so... let's listen this time, okay?  
  
Shampoo nodded and looked down at her paper.  
  
Ranma slowly nodded. "Oooookay, here's how it works... there are 2 parts to a sentence, the predicate and the subject. The subject is who the sentence refers to, the predicate is what happens to them... when conjugating the verb in the predicate, always be very careful to..."  
  
AN: Blind leading the... ... blind?  
  
***  
  
Oh hell. I have 5 scenes already?  
  
Ranma and Akane slowly parted, their liquid eyes gazing deep into the other as a slow smile crept across both their faces.  
  
"... and, beautiful people!" Kengeta hopped down from the trying to be funny chair and went over to the couple. "Good work, Akane, Ranma! That's a wrap, we can use this scene!"  
  
Akane and Ranma sweatdropped a little. "Um, but... shouldn't we have... you know... got some of the kiss for the scene? Instead of just using the part where we stop?  
  
Kengeta shook his head. "Nope, fraid not. See, in this way, I don't have to do any serious writing-true, the effect isn't nearly the same, but it works. As for this being too short of a scene, that's no big deal either-I can make it a hell of a lot longer by throwing in the useless explanation as to WHY the scene was so stupid and short in the first place. Also, if needed, random events or a 'Mary-Sue'ish character could make a short appearance."  
  
Akane frowned. "Um, are you even trying? This fic wasn't funny at all."  
  
Kengeta would have said something here, but due to Akane's smartass remark, he didn't have to, because the tone of her voice set off a random event which somehow killed her, while a Big, large, super-martial-artist-extremely-impressive-in-some-form character walked in and posed while everyone "oooohed" and "ahhhhed".  
  
***  
  
Kengeta sighed. "It didn't work out, did it?"  
  
Akane smiled and poured Kengeta some more tea. "No, dear, it didn't. You only made a jackass out of yourself, but..."  
  
Kengeta's eyes narrowed. "... jackass, eh?"  
  
Akane "^_^"ed or whatever the hell that emoticon would be in text. "Yes, dear. You're a really big jackass."  
  
"Just remember, as the author, I can always-insert funny or appropiate scary threat here-so you just watch it!"  
  
"Oh, my...!" Akane dropped the tea dishes to the floor.  
  
Kengeta would have picked them up, taken back the threat, and done whatever it is he does, but he decided to stop the fic here due to good sense.  
  
Ja ne! 


End file.
